I have spent years suffering in silence and it wasn’t until recently where I learned how much stress I was putting on my body due to this. Keeping everything to myself and holding all of my feelings in did nothing but cause me more pain. The past year (or more) I have had many spiritual awakenings. I have begun to free myself from the burdens of the past and my mind, but every once in a while my mind sneaks up on me and I start to lose control. This has become especially evident to me lately in my dreams. For weeks now every night I have had disturbing dreams, dreams that taunt me throughout the day. Why is this? Today I realized it’s because I have returned to my old habit of suffering in silence and as a result I have been experiencing more pain. Today is my second migraine this week! I sit here suffering in pain as I write this. I’ve always had a fear of truly voicing my symptoms to my doctor’s. I immediately write it off that they won’t believe I am in as much pain as I say I’m in, which isn’t far from the truth. I have been fighting doctor’s to treat my jaw pain for years now. I even have x-rays of a deformed jaw joint and they still don’t treat me. Today I am making it a point to fight and advocate for myself with my doctor’s. I am on the right path with them and have one doctor who will be treating me with injections starting in a little over a month. But in the meantime, I will continue to push to be treated for my pain. My pain also seems to intensify due to energy blockages created by my mind and my thoughts. When I think negatively, my body reacts negatively. If I nurture my body, however, through meditation, yoga, and other activities that make me truly happy, then my body in turn reacts positively. I am at a turning point in my life where I am freeing up energy that has been frozen in time within my body. Due to the freeing up of energy, some of my pain symptoms have been reactivated, but when I truly focus on calming my mind, the pain subsides. It is unfortunately still there, which is why I will continue to be my own advocate.
I am not a believer that things will “fall into place” in life. I do believe, however, that it takes a lot of courage to have faith that life will send you in the right direction. Even in the face of adversity, everything that is meant to happen will happen if you allow it! Today, I will do my best to believe in myself that change is not only a positive aspect of life, but it is crucial for the flow of life to be a never ending journey to find inner balance. Today I will continue on my journey, wherever life may take me.